I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. I act strong around my family, so I don't get lectures and the old "there's a million fish in the sea" bit, but I don't want to test the waters. My home is my sanctuary. Press J to jump to the feed. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. I so badly want his love that it’s killing me inside. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. Or if your relationship is on the down slope, you are still positive and working it out. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He is a very handsome man, and when I compare him to anybody else I would still choose him, but sometimes I can’t even stand him kissing me. I don’t want you in my bed when I’m pissed or interrupting me while I’m busy reading. Create a boundary of not being available for men who don’t want to be in a relationship with you by expressing how you really feel. I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. Simple. If he texts I’d respond politely. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. I'm completely lost, and I've lost interest in everything. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. No, this doesn’t mean I want to break up. I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). “I give him alot of love and affection and want it back so badly, but don’t seem to be receiving it. If he doesn’t want a relationship, you won’t convince him otherwise. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. I love him but I don't want a relationship with him and I don't know what to do Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Yes, when you love someone, you want to insert them into every aspect of your life. The only one younger than me. But when you don’t put in effort, you don’t hear from him. If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered … He should understand. It's time to move on. Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship – believe him. … I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. Otherwise, you won’t have a problem with him not wanting a relationship. As much as he hurt me, I can't let go of what we had before these issues occured. I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. He makes you calm. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. We don't cuddle cause he tells me "don't start getting all these feelings" we don't kiss or do anything while his kids, his family, my family r around. I told him about my feelings but he says that he doesn’t want to get into any relationship right now. Don't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that isn't real. You’re essentially giving him what he wants (sex) in the hopes that he … He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship … If you don't want a relationship at this moment, then you don't want a relationship at this moment. What happened: You are kind of a couple, … Bottom line, if a guy tells you who he is- a guy who doesn’t want a relationship- believe him. This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. So you’re basically telling yourself that you don’t deserve love. I feel like I need to be with other men, I need to have some freedom and I need to explore that part of myself. Do you want to be with your partner for the person they are, truly, right here and now? By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Treat him … I don't want to settle for second best. You already told him that you don’t want a casual relationship so why reiterate it. He might even reach out to hold your hand just to know that you are still there for him. So, when he tells you this, thank him for being honest with you, and then leave. He has hit me and kicked me. I want to be the one he wants to share life with. I scared to really tell him how I feel because I really love him and don't want to loose him if I tell him my true feelings. He already knows. Take my word for it, this phase in a relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. I consider care to be a form of love. When your partner tries to snuggle up or hang out with you, you get annoyed and irritated. This exists within all of us — the fear of being tied down. In the beginning of a relationship, things are normally … Other times, you fall in love and something big happens — maybe you fall out of love, or maybe the pressures of a long-distance relationship are too great. Research shows that common deal-breakers for those interested in long-term relationship are: [1] X Research source But if the phases get longer and don’t seem to pass, and unsettling feelings of discontent and weariness grow stronger, you should ask yourself whether the relationship is the right one for you. Sally LeBoy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com I want time to live my life and experience things without him and I feel like I don't want to be in such a committed relationship at such a young age. Press J to jump to the feed. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You feel full stop, whether you want it or not. Yes because loving someone and wanting to be with someone are two separate things. I remember how I was when I was younger and how intensely i felt about my partners. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. It’s the place I go when you annoy the hell out of me or I’m angry. You have a fear of being tied down. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). The first thing that you associate with love is probably butterflies in the … loving is a feeling and as such you have no control over it. One of the definite signs of love is being there for him when he has a rough time. If you’re not comfortable with the current situation than don’t initiate any convos. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. My opinion is that you are overthinking this. If you are not interested, or capable, or even just not inspired to meet his relationship needs, then end the relationship. You don’t bail on him when the times get tough. Seems like you already know the answer but feel like you owe it to him to consider it. You’d rather be in a subpar relationship, hoping that that person morphs into exactly what you want. He takes forever to reply to your texts. I don’t think that I love HIM anymore, I like him he’s a good guy and I’m proud of him… I don’t enjoy being intimate with him, its more like just another thing I need to do around the house. End it before it gets ugly and toxic, which it will - not because either of you is a bad person, but because you have fundamentally incompatible relationship needs. That means you love him, and don’t ask further. As much as you’d like to be in a relationship with him, he clearly isn’t sure whether he wants to or not if he isn’t putting in the effort. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. It’s normal, in the sense that it isn’t pathological nor anything like that, nor is it the rarest thing on Earth. Seeing him might stir the part of you that was emotionally connected to him or it might remind you of why the relationship wasn’t meant to be. But there’s a fine line between "want" and "need," and when the "need" outweighs the "want… But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. (This includes not being available to men who withdraw, pull away, are confused, don’t know what they want, need space and time…etc.) In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. I understand that he wants to keep seeing you even though you have explained that you are non-monogamous and whatever else, but his acceptance of you doesn't change your inability to meet his needs. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. [Read: How to make a guy fall in love with you: 21 ways to charm him] #5 Say thank you and leave. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. He’s probably not that into you if he isn’t showing effort. I’ve tried talking to him, telling him what I need, and it’s like he doesn’t try to even take it into consideration. He doesn't introduce you to his family or friends. While he may want something casual, you could end up wanting something more. You fight yourself to choose a side--you either love him or … Either way, in relationships you need the heart, but ultimately you really have to follow the head if you want a health, satisfying relationship. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. You're Afraid Of Disappointing Them. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. I think that you can … Do … To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like I'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. I love spending time with you, but I’m not a clingy person. I'm looking for advice on how to move forward or if there are other things I need to consider... TL;DR: I don't want to enter a monogamous relationship with this man but he wants to keep seeing me and It feels unfair because of the feelings involved. Anything else is selfish and unfair. You don’t want to be alone because you hear horror stories, and it took you so long just to find him. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. Every time we get close, he pulls away. I don’t think I’m fully happy with who I am and therefore, I … The Cute Stuff Isn't Cute Anymore. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. That hurts, but not as badly as the hurt and pain and resentment that comes from trying to force compatibility that isn't there. And yes, then you take a breather and figure out what you want in life. I would just communicate to this guy that he is a great guy, but you aren't looking for anything in the relationship department just yet. To engage with him physically is to also engage with him romantically. Some are more romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I want to better myself right now. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I knew -deep down- that I didn’t love him. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). Sit down and put together a list of criteria that would disqualify a potential match first. The only one younger than me. Step 1. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. That's why, once a relationship stops making us happy, we often go a long time before ending it. Some people don’t consider that men want a little romance too. I don’t want to be together 24/7. We like each other but: He wants us to be in a exclusive relationship. When you love someone, it's hard to accept the signs your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. He is a catch in many regards. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. It’s just my nature. He is a catch in many regards. Figuring out what you want can be tricky, but, usually, you know exactly what you don’t want. Consider what you’re doing. This does not diminish how I feel about him at all. However, I do not trust myself to not want to see other people. That is … But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I’d carry on with your life. Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Romance. Trust Your Instinct. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like i'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. Need help with your relationship? Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. It’s like the old fable of the frog and scorpion. You both want very different things. When I said “I love you” it didn’t … I communicated this to him, saying if we could be poly-amorous but he is not interested (which I understand). More posts from the relationships community. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. Take a breather and figure out where your guy fits in not want to be with someone are separate... The frog and scorpion relationship at this moment 'm completely lost, and don ’ love...: he wants to keep seeing me built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for relationship! See other people no, this time we 've come so close that I didn ’ want! 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